4 things you can do to help someone go through the pain of grief and loss

Grief isn’t just about losing a loved one—it can show up in breakups, job loss, retirement, even missed opportunities. And when someone we care about is hurting, it’s natural to wonder: What can I do? What can I say?

In this blog, I share simple, heartfelt ways you can truly support someone through grief—not by “fixing” it, but by showing up with kindness, patience, and presence.

Grief is something none of us can escape. It’s a part of being human, just like aging, sickness, and death. Most of the time, when we hear the word grief, we think about losing someone we love—or even a beloved pet. But grief is much bigger than that.

Think about it: a breakup, a divorce, a miscarriage, losing a job, retiring, missing out on your dream school, or facing financial hardship. Each of these carries its own kind of loss, and with loss comes grief. It’s far more common than we often realize.

The tricky part? When someone we care about is grieving, many of us feel a bit lost ourselves. We want to help, but we don’t know what to say. We’re afraid of making things worse. Sometimes we even avoid the person altogether—not because we don’t care, but because their pain feels too heavy, or it stirs up our own.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And the good news is, supporting someone through grief isn’t about finding perfect words or having all the answers. It’s about showing up, gently, in ways that matter. Let me share a few thoughts with you.

1. Take Care of Yourself First

Have you ever noticed how emotions are contagious? Sit next to someone anxious, and soon your own chest tightens. Spend time with someone joyful, and you catch yourself smiling. The same is true for grief.

That’s why it’s so important to steady yourself before stepping in to support someone else. Think of the oxygen mask instructions on a plane: help yourself first, then others.

If you’ve recently gone through a loss, or if you’re already running on empty, be gentle with yourself. Rest. Ask for support. Create your own circle of care. When you’re grounded and resourced, you’ll be able to show up for your loved one with more patience, strength, and compassion.

2. Show Ongoing Kindness

One thing I’ve noticed again and again is how grief lingers long after the casseroles stop arriving. In the first few weeks after a loss, there’s often an outpouring of love and support—but then life moves on for everyone else. Meanwhile, the grieving person is still carrying their sorrow. What makes a difference are the small, steady reminders that they’re not forgotten. A warm meal or tea left at the door. A simple text saying, “Thinking of you today.” A quick check-in call. Knitting a scarf. Dropping off a care package. To someone grieving, these aren’t just “nice gestures.” They’re a lifeline. They whisper, “I still see you. You still matter. You’re not alone.”

3. Resist the Urge to Fix Things

I know how tempting it is to try and cheer someone up. When a friend cries endlessly about their divorce, or the baby they lost, every part of us wants to lift them out of the sadness. We say things like, “You’ll be okay,” or “You’ll find someone better,” or “This wasn’t meant to be.” Here’s the hard truth: those words, though well-intentioned, often make grief feel even heavier. Why? Because they tell the grieving person that their pain is something to be brushed aside or solved. But grief doesn’t need fixing. What it needs is space.The most healing thing you can do is simply be there. Sit quietly. Listen without judgment. Offer a hug, a hand, or just your presence. Sometimes the best support isn’t found in words at all—it’s in silence, in patience, in simply letting them be.

4. Let Go of Judgement

Everyone grieves differently. One person may crumble over the loss of a pet, while another seems surprisingly steady after losing a job. Neither is right or wrong—it’s just human.

Grief is personal, and it’s not our job to measure or compare. If you find yourself feeling judgemental or thinking, “Why are they still upset about this?”—pause. Step back. It’s okay to give yourself space until you can return with compassion.

A Gentle Reminder

Over the years, both as a counsellor and as a fellow human, I’ve seen grief take many shapes. And I can tell you this: it’s never easy. Not for the person going through it, and not for those friends or therapists walking beside them.

But here’s the beautiful part—you don’t need to be a professional or have the perfect words to make a difference. Often, the most powerful support is the simplest: sitting quietly next to someone, passing a tissue, offering your shoulder. Just letting them know, “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

If you—or someone close to you—are navigating grief and would like gentle support, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach me at carmen.tse@amuiventure.co.uk or call 07412535830.

For more information of the counselling service I provide, please click here.